Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Single & Suffering

Single and Suffering

 NIRJANA SHARMA
When she was thirty years old, the people in her community said she wasn’t beautiful enough to attract men and receive marriage proposals and perhaps would have to remain unmarried. They proved to be right.

“It may sound odd now but there was a time when families would be charged with selling the girl if they approached a boy’s family with a marriage proposal,” says Reshma Maharjan, 40, a resident of Chapagaun, explaining that only a boy’s family could send out marriage requests to the girl’s family and the opposite was considered almost immoral.
Even until a few decades ago, girls from Newar families would remain unmarried if proposals for them weren’t received. According to Laxmi Shova Shakya, a sociologist who has carried out a special study on unmarried women in the Newar community, arranged marriages were difficult, if not impossible, for girls if they didn’t receive any proposals from the boys’ side. 

This was precisely why Reshma didn’t get married. She simply didn’t receive a marriage proposal and her family didn’t look for a groom either because the tradition was such. However, Reshma isn’t the only one who has had to suffer due to such social prejudices. There are many single, old or middle-aged women like her in the Newar community in the Kathmandu Valley, more so in Lalitpur, who live isolated lives in their families.


PHOTOS: RIWAJ RAI

A study on the socioeconomic status of women conducted two years ago by SNV, Nepal revealed that 30 percent women in the Newar communities of 22 administrative wards of Patan were unmarried middle-aged women. The research found the single women are widows (54%), unmarried (30%), divorced (5%), and abandoned (11%). As a result, single women are found in every alternate house in the Patan area.

However, women are often single not by choice but by compulsion or custom. Reshma too had dreams of getting married and having her own family someday. Her mother filled her head with thoughts of marriage and a husband to share her life with. But her dreams were shattered as she grew up and nobody approached her family asking for her hand in marriage.

“Even if a man was 50 years old, he would always be scouring for a teenage bride,” she says, shaking her head at the incredulity of it all, more especially for a custom that didn’t allow a girl’s family to look for and choose a groom for their daughters.

The women who were victims of prejudices decades ago are facing problems today. Culture expert Uttam Kumar Joshi says that the custom was so readily accepted back in those days that no one even questioned it at the slightest, let alone think about breaking the norm.

Currently, Reshma lives and takes care of the nine members of her brother’s family. But it’s a family she can’t call her own. She always worries about having no one to take care of her when she’s old.

“My brothers have their own families and they have no obligation whatsoever to take care of me,” she says, adding that this thought plagues her mind and is perhaps the only regret she has of not being married.

According to sociologist Shakya, unmarried women are more often than not involved in household activities and give continuity to the family business when their brothers are young, but their livelihood becomes uncertain as they grow older.

Shakya tells the story of Shaila, a 46-year-old single woman of Patan who spent her life to bringing up her two brothers after their father’s death when she was just seven years old. She also handled the family business. But today, the new members of her brother’s family take her presence as intrusion and she is often ignored and left out.

“In most of the cases, women living with their brothers’ families after their parents’ death are taken as a burden and treated as unpaid slaves,” says Shakya.

According to sociologists, there are more unmarried middle-aged or old women in Newar communities as compared to other communities. But not all cases can be attributed to the custom of their families not looking for grooms when they were young. An inclination towards Buddhist convent as nuns is also another reason.

Manahara Tuladhar, 49, and a resident of Nardevi in Kathmandu is single and lives with her mother. She resisted family pressure and decided not to get married but the decision came with repercussions she never imagined. Her family doesn’t allow her to make any decisions on her own and people in her community talk behind her back.

Even educated women who choose to remain single are at the receiving end of verbal abuse in their respective communities. According to Shakya, these women are even and often termed as prostitutes.

The situation is not likely to change unless women are more aware of their rights. Advocate Meera Dhungana is of the opinion that many women in these communities are still suppressed by their own people, and even such women don’t want to share their stories due to the fear of causing further embarrassment to their families.

“Many women don’t know that they can claim their share in the parental property and continue to live a life of meek submission,” says Dhungana.

However, the new generation does not accept this tradition, and as a result, many Newar communities have seen significant reforms over the years, But the women who were victims of this custom continue to bear the brunt of it.

Reshma has started learning to read and write. She can now write her name, albeit with some difficulty, but this small feat gives her a sense of self-respect and identity, an individuality she had lost but is now slowly trying to regain.




(This article was published in Republica Daily on June 6, 2014, Friday)

Monday, June 16, 2014

Voter Registration Campaign Experience

मतदाता नामावली दर्तापछि मात्र निर्वाचन


ललितपुरको दुर्गम तथा सुगम गाउँमा हालै मतदाता नामावलीमा दर्ताबारे सूचना अभियान अन्तर्गत आधारभूत सर्वेक्षणका क्रममा सीमान्तकृत वर्गकहाँ पुग्ने अवसर मिलेको थियो । यस क्रममा अधिकांश उत्तरदाताको आक्रोश खेप्नुप¥यो । लामाटारकी एक दलित अधवैंसे महिलाले त आफ्नो घरको पिंढीमा समेत बस्नै दिइनन् र रिसाउँदै भनिन् – “हामीलाई भोक लागेको छ, कसले खान दिन्छ ? यस्तो बेला तिमीहरू नेताको, चुनाउको कुरा गर्न आउने ?” एकजना वृद्धाले भनिन् “यहाँ भगवान्का कुरा लिएर आउँछौ भने आउ, नेता र चुनाउका कुरा लिएर नआउ” भन्दै फनक्क फर्किइन् ।

स्थानीय दलित, गरिब, महिला, वृद्धवृद्धामध्ये अधिकांशले आक्रोश पोखे । गत चुनाउमा घरीघरी आएर नमस्ते गर्न आउने नेतालाई भोट दिएर जिताइयो तर जितेर गएको ६ महिना बित्दा पनि गाउँ फर्केर आएको देखिएन । सभासद् गाउलेको दुःख सुन्न नआएकोमा उनीहरूको चित्त दुखेको रहेछ । एक जना अधवैंसे पुरुष झन साह्रो रिसाएका थिए, कारण सोध्दा उनले भने जिताएका नेतालाई भेट्न जाँदा “तपाईंलाई चिनिन” भन्यो ।

कतिपय नाम दर्ता पनि नगर्ने र भोट पनि नहाल्ने पक्षमा थिए । उनीहरू फटाहा नेताहरूलाई किन भोट हाल्ने भनिरहेका थिए । भारतमा सकिएको चुनाउ र विकल्प छान्ने सुविधाबारेमा कुरा उठाएपछि प्रायजसोमा आशा पलाएको पाइयो । हो, सर्वसाधारण जनताले आफ्नो विचार तथा इच्छा पोख्ने अधिकार पाउनै पर्छ नत्र मतदानमा मात्र भाग नलिने हो भने त्यसको के अर्थ रह्यो र ? अर्को कुरा के को कारणले भोट नखसालेको हो त्यो पनि थाहा हुँदैन । यसमा बौद्धिक वर्ग पनि छन् । उनीहरूको माग हो नेपालमा पनि नो भोटको प्रावधान हुनै पर्छ । तर यसको लागि पनि पहिला त आफ्नो नाम मतदाताको सूचिमा दर्ता गराउनु जरुरी छ ।

गत मंसिरको चुनाउमा नागरिकता लिएर भोट खसाल्न जानेहरूलाई भने अब टोली आउँदा फोटो सहितको नाम दर्ता गर्नु पर्ने रहेछ भन्ने चेतना आएको छ । तर करिव ९८ प्रतिशत उत्तरदातालाई नाम दर्ता प्रकृया खुलेको वारे जानकारी नभएको र कहाँ कसरी के के लिएर जानुपर्छ भन्ने कुरामा ज्ञान नभएको पाइयो । अझ विकट ठाउँमा ज्याला मजदुरी गरी खानुपर्ने वर्गकालाई त टोली छिट्टै आफ्नै गाउँ ठाउँमा आइदिए हुन्थ्यो भन्ने रहेछ ।

ललितपुरकै कुरा गर्ने हो भने एक दिन लाग्छ निर्वाचन अफिस पुग्न । अनि काम भ्याउने र आतेजाते खर्चको अलग्गै हिसाब राख्दा धेरै खर्चिलो हुने रहेछ । त्यसैले यो पंक्तिकारलाई के लाग्यो भने चार जिल्ला (क्षेत्र)मा असार ८ गते हुने उप–निर्वाचन तथा आउँदो थानीय चुनाउ आउनु अगाडि नेताहरू र निर्वाचन कार्यालयले यस विषयमा समयमै कदम चाल्नु पर्ने देखिन्छ । जनतामा यति साह्रो वितृष्णा जाग्नुको कारण राजनैतिक दलका नेताहरूले गम्भिर रुपमा मनन गर्नु पर्छ ।

धेरैलाई राष्ट्रिय चुनाव भन्दा स्थानीय चुनाव महत्वपूर्ण लागेको छ । उनीहरूको भनाइ छ – स्थानीय निर्वाचित व्यक्ति नहुँदा गाविस तथा वडाहरूमा लापर्वाही भैरहेको छ साथै बाहिरबाट गएकाहरूमा अपनत्वको भावना कम हुने रहेछ । यसैले पनि स्थानीय चुनाउ महत्वपूर्ण हुन्छ । स्थानीय र राष्ट्रिय निर्वाचनको आवश्यकता र महत्व समय अनुसार हुन्छ नै, तर अहिलेको महत्वपूर्ण पक्ष भनेको सबै मतदाताले आफ्नो नाम मतदाता नामावलिमा दर्ता गर्नु प¥यो ।

शोभा शाक्य

(यो लेख अन्नपूर्ण पोष्ट दैनिक २०७१-०२-२६ सोमवारमा छापिएको हो)