Unseen Violence

By: Shova Shakya & Gerard Toffin

In most cases, single women remain sexually harassed and discriminated against socially and religiously

Reading the newspapers these days is really daunting. Every day, at least three cases of violence committed against women are reported. Women being raped by their boyfriends, a boy goading his friends to rape his girlfriend, gang bangs, a father raping his daughter, five to six year old baby girls being raped, old women raped by a boy who took shelter at their house for the night, house workers raped by their master or his son. Or else, we hear about dumb or disabled young girls being raped by their neighbours or by relatives, a husband burning his wife's intimate parts or violently beating her, a father or other family members burning a daughter-in-law, a wife killed by her husband because she did not bring property from her maaiti, etc. All these crimes are ignominious and incredible. While the Occupy Baluwatar movement is forever demanding justice to victims of violence against women, the number of such extremely violent actions is on the rise from one day to the next.

Unfortunately, this is only the tip of the iceberg. Unseen, day to day violence and everyday discriminations against women are still not reported in the media. We would like to address this issue by considering the case of single women in male-dominated Nepali society. Single women are in face, the most vulnerable to physical violence and represent an alienated social group. Indeed, unmarried women are not considered to be totally accomplished adults. They cannot perform death rituals for their parents. For a couple, marriage is still considered a major social and religious achievement. And it is meritorious for parents to give their daughter as a gift, kanyaadaan. As a Newar saying goes: "Neither a woman has never borne the pain of childbirth or a man with with no experience of building a house can understand what suffering, dukha, is". In Hindu society, widows are frequently held responsible for the death of their husbands. There are blamed for their own condition. Yet other categories of single women exist: unmarried, abandoned and divorced. These women are particularly prone to aggression and exploitation.

In the course of research that was recently carried out on single women in the town of Lalitpur, one of the two authors recorded a number of life stories documenting the subject. The case analysed include an unmarried woman whose life is totally taken up with household chores – taking care of her ailing old mother, of her sick nephew, cooking, doing the laundry, cleaning the house, fetching water, etc. From early morning to late evening she is so busy that she has no time to rest. During her childhood she had to support father and mother, and to look after her brothers and sisters. Thus, there was no possibility for her to benefit from any schooling. Although she is very keen to save money, she never has a single paisa in her purse. She works all day without being paid and has become an all too-reliable domestic slave for her brothers and sister-in-laws. Even though this person is a member of a family, she still has no property share. Even to leave the house she needs to ask permission from her family members. She is trapped within her own family with no individual rights.

Another unmarried woman describes her extremely distressing situation. "It's like strict tapasyaa", she says. "Men are always bothering me, they are forever finding an excuse to touch my body, they show improper attention and offer help with ulterior motives. It is very difficult for me to dodge such colleagues at work.

Married men are the most dangerous; they just wanted to be near me. They even telephone at any time for no reasons, just to flatter me. I always have to be careful with this kind of man. I am fed up of this life". Such cases of harassments were commonly reported in the interviews.

One respondent actually got married without even seeing the groom beforehand. She simply trusted her mother and brother with preparations for her wedding. Yet, when she arrived at her husband's house, she realized that the groom was ugly and old. She was totally appalled. "It was impossible for me to live with this man!" she says. So she decided to leave him. The very next morning she moved back to her maaiti. She never dared to go back to her husband's house. Time passed and her mother got older. Her brothers drifted away from the family. At present, she is the only one looking after her mother who is becoming increasingly sick and needs medicine. She has no financial support from her husband. Furthermore, her brothers have not even given her property share because she is married. "How can I provide the medicine, my mother needs? I can't even go out of the house and search for full-time employment. How will I care for my mother in the meantime?" Her life is full of such difficulties.

These voices, mixed in with tears when recorded, convey profound dukha, pain. Admittedly, some single women have succeeded in gaining their own independence and in leading a rewarding life. However, in most cases, they remained extremely dependent on their family, they are sexually harassed and discriminated against socially and religiously. Besides, 98 percent of respondents were unaware of their legal rights. Although the weight of cultural traditions plays a prominent role in all these matters, it would be interesting to investigate the difference in how women are treated according to their ethnic group or caste. Whatever, the case may be, the number of unmarried women in Newar society seems to have always been relatively high compared to other communities. Generally speaking access to graduate education and the modern living condition have significantly increased the number of single women, without actually putting an end to the misery faced by these abused citizens. It is now time to break the silence.

[Shakya, independent sociologist, was a fellowship grantee of the Harka Gurung Programme (SIRF-SNV). Toffin is Director of Research at the National Centre for Scientific Research, France

(This article was published on The Kathmandu Post daily on 28th February, 2013)